Yesterday was a rough, rough day. I have been stressing over a lot of things lately. Work, money, family, sick kids (they have been sick since Thanksgiving) Britton has had Strep Throat and the flu twice, Shayna has had the flu and now we found out about her stomach problems. Trying to adjust her medication and get her on the right dosage has been overwhelming for me. I have been so worried about her , I just want her to feel good, etc, etc. Anyway, Yesterday I just lost it. I had a total nervous breakdown at work. (Super embarrassing) Maybe I should start from the beginning.
Tuesday night went well, I got the kids in bed, talked to Shane on the phone, told him good night and have sweet dreams (our usual conversation) and I was able to relax for a bit before I went to bed at 10:00. I fell right to sleep which doesn't happen much lately. I was sleeping so good. And then.....Shane called at 11:30 pm. This was the conversation:
Me: (very asleep and wondering what emergency could possibly be happening) Hello?
Shane: (Whispering) Sorry to wake you up.
Me: It's OK, what's wrong
Shane: (still whispering) Oh nothing, I just wanted to say goodnight
Me: Oh I thought we already had this conversation
Shane: (still whispering, a little quieter now) Oh yah, sorry, I goofed.
Me: It's OK Shane, go to bed
Shane: OK, Goodnight
Me: Goodnight
Back to sleep, again this didn't take to long. And Then....Hilda (the cat) decided 2:30 am is the perfect time to play with the blinds in my bedroom. She climbed up on my window ledge and started playing with the cord, I got out of bed and pushed her off the ledge and got back in bed, she did it again, I guess she didn't think I was serious. She got pushed off the window ledge a little harder this time, I don't know where she went, I didn't hear her the rest of the night. So back to sleep, this time it was a little harder but I succeeded. And then....4:30 am I hear Britton scream "I need a throw up bucket". Are you kidding me, is he really sick again. Tyler and I went running. I got there just in time to watch Britton puke all over his bed. I picked him up and took him to the toilet where he could finish, went back to his room, got his sheets and pillow and threw everything in the bathtub to rinse them off. That's when I noticed Britton didn't make it in the toilet but on the toilet and floor. Anyway, we got Britton cleaned up and made him a bed on the floor on my side of the bed. After I rinsed out the sheets and put them in the washing machine I had a bathroom to disinfect. Tyler took care of the toilet and I took care of the sink and bathtub and we got back to bed at 5:00 am. At 5:15 it started all over again, this time Britton made it in the bucket (thank you Ty for cleaning it out) and we went back to bed. 5:30 am Shayna comes to our bed and says she can't sleep so we put her between us and tried to go back to sleep. 5:40 am Tyler says "screw this, I'm getting in the shower". 5:50 am I have to start getting ready for work. Oh my gosh! I'm so exhausted. Tyler left and my Mom got to my house at 6:30 am to watch the kids so I could go to work. I started telling my Mom that Britton was sick again and that is when my breakdown began. I just started crying and couldn't stop. Whats wrong with me I was thinking. After I calmed down I went to work (this proved to be a mistake). When I got to work I could feel the tears coming so I went to my friend McKells office to hide out. And I cried....hard. Ali soon came to work and saw my breakdown. As embarrassed as I was I am so thank full these girls were there for me. Thank you McKell and Ali, you guys are the best! Anyway I went home and cryed all the way there. But since I went home it gave me the opportunity to take Shay to school. When we got there she started to cry, she said she was going to miss me too much and she didn't want to go to class. Oh great....here comes another breakdown. I was able to get her to go to class without a big scene and again, I cried all the way home. Shayna has been doing this a lot lately, whether it is school or ballet she cry's. This is so not like her, I don't know what to do about it. Britton told me I needed to take her to the Doctor to find out what her attachment issues are. That kid cracks me up. When I got home my Mom and I just visited and played with Britton until it was time to go pick up Shay from school. The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful, UNTIL.....
Shayna's ballet was putting on a Christmas (more like a practice with an audience) program. My Dad shut down his office to go watch her, and she wouldn't go in. She sat and cried and clung to me and would not go in. I finally convinced her to go so Papa could watch her, she went in and lasted about 5 seconds then came back to me crying. Once again I convinced her to go do her dance. When they started she was doing so good. I was so proud of her, but again she quit in the middle of her dance and came running to me crying. This is so not like Shayna, she loves to be the center of attention especially at dance. Last year she cried because we had to leave. I don't know whats wrong with her. I hope this is just a "phase". Here are a few of the pictures I was able to get of her.
She did miss last weeks practice because of the flu. Maybe that's why she had such a hard time doing it this week in front of so many people.....who knows.
Anyhoo, its over, I threw myself a pity party and got a good cry. I feel much, much better today and look forward to a healthier week ahead.
As for the breakdown...I hope that never happens again. It was weird and so unlike me. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times Tyler has seen me cry in the 15 years I've known him. I'm just so sorry for those of you who did witness it....SORRY! It won't happen again for a long, long time......hopefully.
