Long difficult week.

We got a phone call from Merilyn on the morning of Saturday, April 30th saying that Jim was not doing well. It was becoming increasingly difficult for Merilyn to get Jim to eat and drink anything and he couldn't get out of bed. My brain is kind of hazy and all of my day's are kind of running together but I am going to do my best with a timeline. When we arrived to the house on Saturday afternoon we were shocked. We didn't realized just how bed ridden he was. If he wasn't asleep he was staring at the wall. He was extremely fidgety and could only remain calm if someone was holding his hand. Mary (Ty's sister) noticed that he had developed a bed sore on his heel. We did our best to rotate him every two hours and keep him comfortable. By that evening we noticed a few more bed sores coming on despite our best efforts. We went home late Saturday evening.
Sunday we got up and went back to Tremonton. I can't remember if it was Saturday or Sunday that the home health Nurse told us not to feed him or give him any liquids for obvious reasons. Of course he would choke. But it is so hard to be told to let your loved one starve. Of course that isn't how it is said but certainly how it is heard. We just kept giving him Morphine to keep him comfortable. Again, I can't remember if it was Saturday or Sunday that we were told that he had developed pneumonia and it wouldn't be long. Merilyn called Jordan earlier that morning and told him he should come right away if he wanted to see his Dad before his passing. They left right then and made the 14 hour trip. They made it there about 6:00 in the evening. Just as we were heading home.
We got a call Monday Morning at 4:00am saying that Jim had passed away. We were prepared for this call but it still hit hard. Neither one of us were able to fall back to sleep so we waited until it was time to get the kids up for school. We had the kids go to school because we knew we had a long hard day ahead of us and it would be easier for them to be in school. I called my boss and told him I was taking the week off. We dropped the kids off at school and headed back up to Tremonton. When we got there Tyler and I sat down with Kim, Mary, Josh and Merilyn to write the obituary. Once we were done we headed over to the Funeral home where we finalized the obituary and added the picture and got it turned in in time to make the paper. Then we had to pick out the coffin, pick out and design the headstone, design the funeral program and discuss the exhumation of James Ashley. James Ashley was Jim and Merylin's first child. He passed away at three days old. All these years he has never had a headstone. Merylin wanted to give him a proper burial with a headstone, and wanted him to be placed with Jim. This turned out to be a really hard, long day.
Tuesday the family was busy with ordering flowers and finalizing funeral arrangements. Wednesday Tyler and I headed back up to Tremonton after dropping the kids off at school. We picked up breakfast for everyone, we knew nobody felt like making breakfast and despite all of the food neighbors were bringing there wasn't any breakfast items. Thursday was Merilyn's Birthday but it was busy with funeral things going on so we tried to celebrate on Wednesday. We all cleaned her house up a bit, then mostly just sat around and visited. Tyler was busy trying to deal with life insurance and credit card company's.
Thursday was the viewing. We went up early because the Family had asked if I would help them dress Jim for the viewing. I had never done this before and was really nervous about it but I am so thank full that they asked me to be a part of it. The hardest part for me was watching my Brother-in-laws lift him off the table and place him in the casket. Absolutely heart wrenching. Tyler wasn't involved at all. He doesn't do viewings and certainly didn't want to see his Father that way. He has good memories of his Dad and couldn't handle the thought of his last memory being that. The viewing started at 6:00 and lasted until 8:00. Poor Tyler couldn't stand with the family by the casket so we sat on the other side of the room and visited with family and friends as they were coming and going. Tyler and I had decided before hand that it would be best to get a Hotel room for Thursday night. We knew it would be a late night and Friday was going to be an early morning and extremely long day. We got to our hotel room shortly after 9:00 PM and had the kids tucked in by 10:30. It was a very long exhausting day. Friday morning we woke up at 6:30 to begin getting ready for the day. After breakfast we checked out of our hotel room and headed over to Merilyn's. We needed to pick up some things and go to the church to set up before the viewing started at 9:30. Merylin thought that it was important for Tyler to stand in line with the rest of the Family for the viewing so he did, with his back to the coffin the entire time. He never once looked in his Dad's direction. I am so proud of him for sucking it up and standing there for his Mom. I know it was incredibly difficult for him. After the viewing was the funeral. It lasted two hours. Two hours is a long time to be an emotional wreck. I looked and felt terrible. I had been fighting a sore throat and earaches the entire week. Lack of sleep and raw emotions were taking it's toll. The funeral was very nice and it was very nice to hear all of his children's memories. After the funeral we went to the luncheon. The luncheon was a bit rushed because we had to make a 3 hour drive to Mt. Pleasant for the burial.
This is what my poor exhausted kids looked like on the drive.

The casket and the flowers looked beautiful. And Jordan looked handsome :)

This is just Jim and Merylin's kids and their family's. Huge family huh? This isn't even everyone. There were a few Grand kids that couldn't make it.

Merilyn was able to have James Ashley exhumed so he could be buried with Jim. The city donated a brand new casket. It was heartbreaking to see such a little casket. Lullaby and Goodnight was playing in the background.

All of the siblings together for the first time ever. It's been 47 years since Merilyn was able to hold James Ashley.


It was very nice of the cemetery to allow James Ashley to be buried with Jim. It meant a lot to Merilyn and I think that finally after all of these years she feels good about where James Ashley is at.
After Jim's casket was lowered into the vault, they placed James Ashley on top. The hole had to be dug a little deeper to accommodate both caskets but it worked out nicely.

The services turned out very nice and we had very nice weather. A little windy but at least it was sunny. I am so proud of Tyler and all of my in-laws for having the courage to make this such a beautiful day. We arrived back home at 9:15 pm exhausted and ready for bed.
Tyler's work sent the most beautiful flower arrangement for the funeral. When the funeral was over Merylin asked us if we would like to take it home with us to enjoy.

I wish it could last forever.